Marriage: Uncut.

Typical night of marriage, real-deal style:

ME: “What’s that smell?”

HIM: “Nothing.”

ME: “Did you fart?”

HIM: “Maybe.”

ME: “I see that you’re standing in the kitchen. What’s my one golden rule, the only thing I ask?”

HIM: “Don’t fart in the kitchen.”

ME: “And you did. You farted in the kitchen.”

HIM: “Yes.” (Laughter)

ME: “Please don’t laugh. You know I hate your fart laugh.”

HIM: “Sorry.”

ME: “Can you promise to not do it again?”

HIM: “Sure.”

I then turned around, and walked straight into the opened pantry door. He laughed so hard, he farted again. In the kitchen.

About alessandra

Alessandra Macaluso is author of The Real-Deal Bridal Bible and What a Good Eater!, host of the Real-Deal Brides Podcast, and blogger at Alessandra’s work is featured in several anthologies, and she has contributed to The Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, and many other online publications. Her original screenplay “Polar Suburbia” placed as a semi-finalist in the Moondance Film Festival. Alessandra is mom to two toddlers and a twenty-five pound Maine coon cat who believes he is a dog. She spends her time driving her OCD husband completely nuts with her constant rearrangement of scenery in their home. Learn more at and follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

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